March 16th, 2011 by Rachel Krider

The Power Of Forgiveness

'Aint that the thruth!

'Aint that the thruth!

By Rachel Oliver & Shane Krider, Polaris Global

“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much” Oscar Wilde

When I came across this quote today it really gave me a chuckle. It also got me thinking about the importance of forgiveness. All of us at some point have been hurt by the actions or words of another. You may have discovered a friend gossiping behind your back or your mother perhaps made damning remarks on your parenting skills or someone may even go so far as making up untruths about you to hurt you. The actions of another can leave you with feelings of anger, resentment and even vengeance. But here’s the thing, if you don’t practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays the price in the long run. Those feelings of anger and resentment are harming you more than anyone.

I have experienced someone close to me speaking untruths behind my back. This person  shared some very personal events that had occurred in my life. They twisted the events and added their own spin on what had actually happened.  At first I was angry. Then I was hurt. Then I wanted revenge. Then I was angry again. A few hours later I came out the other side feeling compassion and empathy for the person that had attacked me. This doesn’t mean that I am denying that this person hurt me or that I’m taking away the responsibility that must lay with this person – it simply means that I choose to forgive. And ya know what….as soon as I shifted to forgiveness I instantly felt a whole lot better! I instantly felt lighter, happier and more at peace with myself.

Is there someone in your life who you should forgive?

17 Responses to “The Power Of Forgiveness”

  1. Lisa Molina says:

    I resonate well with what you have written, Rach.

    I was going through an experience a few years ago.. I thought, I had forgiven the person who I was angry at.
    I noticed a conversation kept playing over and over, like a broken record…
    “I shoulda done more. I shoulda done better. I shoulda made different decisions. I shoulda NOT did that, or I shoulda done that.”

    Finally, I was able to forgive and show compassion to the person who mattered most. ME..
    The only way I could have compassion for another was to forgive myself for results I wasn’t happy with.
    Thanks for a great article!

  2. Rachel Oliver says:

    So true Lis. More often than not the one that we must forgive is ourselves. We really can be our own worst enemy sometimes x

  3. Debbie Ruston says:

    So true Rach….I learned this from studying beyond freedom. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, but it’s interesting, most people think it is for the other person. Although forgiveness can mend bridges with another, it also lifts us and gets rid of the anger, frustration and negativity we may be feeling. We cannot attract what we want in our lives if we are full of anger and resentment…we always get more of what we think about.

    Forgiveness is a gift we actually give ourselves, that benefits everyone around us….

  4. Katrina says:

    I’ve heard it said somewhere and believe it to be true myself, that forgiveness is the gift that we give to ourselves. It free’s us from the harmful feelings of resentment, bitterness, rage and so much more. The Act of Forgiving is like carrying around a huge backpack loaded with weights and then finally being able to take off the backpack. The feeling of lightness and relief is amazing and enables us to move on without the heavy burden. Love this post Rach.

  5. Peter Wheaton says:

    It is amazing how we can hold the hate and hurt and when you decide to just let it go, everything around you changes, simply by focusing on what you have to do and what you want to achieve. Thanks Rach

  6. Belinda Byfield says:

    I had held resentment for someone for many years. This person was a childhood friend that I had known for over 20 years so it was a massive shock to me that this person would betray me and do something so hurtful and because I didn’t know how do deal with it I held on to the resentment and anger for far too long and the only person it was affecting was me. Once I learnt about the power of forgiveness I was able to let go which set me free.

  7. Wendy Clarricoats says:

    Great topic Rach, and I know personally how powerful forgiveness can be. For many years, I felt guilt and shame because I hated my father and of course I was raised with how we must honour our parents. It wasn’t until 13 years after he died that I was able to forgive him and from that point on my life changed dramatically. I suddenly saw how my hatred was holding me back and how it was also effecting my relationship with myself as well.
    When one can forgive and let go, it really does make room for new beginnings, new feelings, new confidence, new life in your relationships with everyone, including yourself.

  8. Barbara Drummond says:

    Your blog has really brought back some memories for me of a very unhappy period in my life.

    Quite some time ago I was also let down badly by someone I had trusted completely. For years afterwards I felt only anger and resentment towards this person and allowed it to take control of me. Then a few years ago I was introduced to the Beyond Freedom course and it really opened my eyes. I became aware that by continuing to feel the way I did I was allowing that person to still have control of my life. It also made me realise that in spite of the way I was feeling my life had in fact turned out to be a whole lot better than it would have otherwise. So instead of continuing to feel anger I was able to turn that into gratitude. After that it became very easy to forgive and let it go and yes, I agree with you, it makes you feel great.

    Now when I feel myself getting angry about someone or something I realise that it must have happened for a purpose and I am able to look for the reason and how that is going to improve my life. It is then easy to forgive and let it go. Even with the anger I have felt over the terrible earthquakes we have been having here I am able to see them as a sign that it is time for me to make the decision to move. A decision I have been dithering over for some time.

  9. Cathy Uechtritz says:

    Hi Rachel – love this blog! This approach has totally liberated me. Certain people in my life (who are no longer in my life) have in the past, managed to totally control / almost destroy me just by doing things that I considered ‘unforgiveable’ / ‘immoral’. I was hell bent on NEVER EVER forgiving them for their actions but didn’t realise that it was really ME that was allowing them to cause the anger and bitterness that was consuming me. Several people had said to me at the time – ‘you’ve got to let go’ – ‘you’ve got to forgive them’ – at which point my reaction was always ‘I can never / he/they don’t deserve to ever be forgiven’
    Now – since embarking on my journey with the amazing personal development home study program Beyond Freedom Evolution – I’ve been totally liberated by doing exactly that! But first I had to forgive myself!
    Forgiveness is about the past, trust is about the future. I learnt how to let go of the past and concentrate on the future. This was a vital part of living the happy abundant life that I now do!

  10. Rachel Oliver says:

    Wow what a massive breakthrough for you! I can totally relate to where you were and now where you are. How refreshing huh!

  11. Rachel Oliver says:

    thanks for sharing your thoughts Barbara. So where are ya moving too?

  12. Rachel Oliver says:

    you said it Pete! Focusing that energy into the positive rather than dwelling on the negative makes all the difference in the world to ones results.

  13. Valarie Filevski says:

    What a fantastic topic, one that only tested me a few years ago. I was always a person who forgave people, never held grudges etc but this one person who had caused me pain for many years (unknowingly) through their actions. Once I had freed myself from it all it then started a very painful healing process because I just could not forgive this person. While studying the Beyond Freedom Evolution, in one of the chapters it states create a new story and abandon the old story. Every time I think of the situation in a negative way I remind myself to just leave it behind, it doesn’t belong in my new story and yes, I have now been able to forgive that person.

    I am definitely a stronger person now and understand that it was necessary for me to go through all of that to learn a very important life lesson. I think while we are at the unforgiving stage we can’t see the lesson so I am very grateful to be able to see the lesson it provided for me.

  14. Alison Wheeler says:

    Great bolg, I have held resentment in the past towards people who I thought had “done the worng thing”. However that is my judgement of them, in their world they honestly thought they were right. Therefore the only person left to forgive was me. I have found the greatest strength and freedom in forgiving myself for making errors and course corrections along the way.

  15. Bettina Evert says:

    great blog Rachel; you are right. Those people who wrong you and know that they have, are pathetic and need your sympathy. They will not move on in their life as they have no integrity; it is best that you do move on and not be stopped by them. Sometimes forgiveness can mean forgetting them: they are no longer in your mind and you can move on and leave them in their own morass!

  16. Sharon Whyte says:

    This is a great. It’s so freeing to have forgiveness. It really is taking your own power back. I love the quote – “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” It is something I live by and teach my children all the time. What a great topic and so pleased you have addressed it here. Life’s too short to be angry at others – imagine the energy wasted- expend your energy and effort towards the good stuff ! – Thanks Rachel

  17. Cheree says:

    I love this. It is so true. I felt I had made changes in my life a few years ago and was able to forgive people who had hurt me but found there was one case in particular where my daughter was affected and I just couldn’t forgive her being hurt. I then had the opportunity to listen and speak to a wonderful lady called Robyn M who told me about “mercy” which she called “undeserved” forgiveness. Approaching the situation in this way I was finally able to let go of the hurt I carried on her behalf and how wonderful it felt! Thank you for your thoughtful post.